wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I did not marry a roomba.
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