I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
