I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he high fived his dick after we had sex
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
