margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
