He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
