It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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