I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize