how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
