Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
