I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
