went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
