no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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