So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
