going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
