Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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