We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
