I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
