well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
