When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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