Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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