I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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