I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize