a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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