Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
