i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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