My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
