never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
