Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize