please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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