I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
