WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
