a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish you could order shots online.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
