I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
