So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
