ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize