I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
