Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
