the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
