Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think my moral compass just broke
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