you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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