Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
