as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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