i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
