I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
found the other keg... it's in the tree
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize