My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
