She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's shark week go big or go home
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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