i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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