i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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