he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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