My first STD was from a foam party
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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