he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
