Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
