No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im six kinds of drunk right now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
