She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
