What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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