I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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