i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
