I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize