How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
