Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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