Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
