Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
