I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize