Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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