you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
