They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
