i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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