wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
