Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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