There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize