Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
