Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize