who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
