Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
